


Last Christmas

by Kneekeyta



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Happy Ending, Melancholy, Minor Character Deaths, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, sad finn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-16 18:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21275954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kneekeyta/pseuds/Kneekeyta
Summary: It's Christmas time, but its not all full of cheer.





	Last Christmas

Bleak, is the only way to describe his house, and his mood as of right now. As he stands at the panel of windows in his front room, he watches a slow as a snow falls. It’s been snowing off and on for the past few days and he wonders if it will ever stick.

Nearly all the houses on his street have decorated in some way or another for Christmas. Whether it be strands and strands of multi-colored lights, or simple white ones, reefs on the doors, and Santa’s greeting with an electronic wave. It’s all very reminiscent of his childhood, reminiscent of when they’d go sight-seeing for hours to get a glimpse at all the lights.

The first year on this street, he didn’t even realize that it was the very same street he’d love to visit at Christmas time as a child. For Mrs. Jenkins, who seemed aged then, was still very much alive and still very much alit with Christmas spirit. Every year, going strong and way over the top with decorations. Too bad the reindeer could never sit properly on the roof.

Drawing his gaze away from up the street, he focuses now on the house directly opposite him, it’s the only other house not lit up with lights aside from his, but that’s only because she isn’t home yet. He glances at his watch, the second hand ticking, telling him it’s nearly time. When he glances back up, she’s home. A small smile pulls at his lips.

She rushes out of her car, hurrying to the front door with a firm grip on her wool beanie to keep it in place. Quickly she unlocks her door and before it’s shut the house lights up, in multicolored lights. He can see her silhouette moving about the house, until, her curtains are being pushed open and she’s turning on the lights hung in the window. She stands a moment, admiring the lights, he can’t quite make out the exact face she’s making, but he wants to believe he can feel it. It feels like, nostalgia, and hope; magical even.

One by one, as if timed, each house on the street turn off their lights, it’s nearly midnight, so right on time. The only house left, is hers, but not for much longer. She’s long since left the window but will return shortly. When she does come back, she’s changed, he assumes, and is once again standing by the windows, he thinks it must be a wistful look, but the snow distorts her face so he can’t be sure. He lets out a sigh as she closes her curtains, and first turns off the lights in the window and then the lights covering the house. It’s a shame they’re never on for more than a few minutes, each day.

Then just like that, he’s no longer gazing into a world of color, no longer are lights twinkling with the magic of the season, and the hope it brings. The white lights of the street lamps cast a silvery glow against the snow; the world has slipped into black and white.

Everything is calm, no wind, no sound, just the gentle sprinkling of snow, and him, he sighs and draws his curtain shut, “such a creep.” He mutters, then patters off to bed.

–

He wakes with a gasp, sucking in a deep breath of air. His heart is racing and although it’s cold, he feels a light layer of sweat over his body. Laying back down he shifts to the colder parts of the sheets, to cool him. He blinks up at the ceiling, it’s still dark above him, but the light from the dawn is slowing creeping across the walls of his room on the opposite end. He wants to think about nothing and everything at the same time. The only compromise he has to think about is her.

So, that’s what he does. But with the limited information he has, there’s only so much his imagination can fill-in before it gets out of control and he laughs at himself for being utterly ridiculous. By then the light is touching the end of his bed and that’s enough for him to get up and shower.

After his steaming shower he slips into some clothes, jeans and a plain long sleeve shirt and pulls a nondescript band tee over top. He pulls on is socks and laces up his boots before heading to the kitchen to make him a spot of breakfast. Nothing fancy, just a bit of scrambled eggs on toast and nice cuppa to start the day.

When he’s done he slips on his flannel, and then pulls on his wool lined denim coat, and wraps his red tartan scarf around his neck. He pats at his back pocket making sure he has his wallet, then right before he opens the door he slips on is gray beanie.

The sun is out and the air is crisp and fresh. He stomps his way through the bit of snow that fell, and knows that he can only get away with walking to work for a little bit longer. He keeps his head down most of the walk, at least until he gets to the top of the street, because as usual, Mrs. Jenkins is there to bid him good morning with a gentle smile and wave. He nods courteously back at her and continues his trek.

Its only ten minutes from then that he finds himself in front of Larry’s New and Used shop. When he walks in he finds, Larry, unboxing some ornaments.

“Hey, Finn.” He greets without a glance.

“Hey, need a hand?”

“Nah, I’m good, run the till today?”

“Sure.” Finn nods. It’s not exactly his favorite job but he does it anyway. Even though he’d much prefer to be the one to unbox and sort through the donations pile. Especially, when vinyl’s were on the line. He’d found a few that he couldn’t believe his luck over, and Larry didn’t even let him pay, ‘it’s like I never had ‘em’ he’d say. Finn was grateful.

The bell chimed on the shop door, and Finn sighed. He was never good at interacting with customers.

–

Five hours later he was done with his shift. That’s when, Steve, the Uni kid would come in and take over.

Normally at this time, Finn would head to the charity shop to browse for books and then head to the café down the street for a late lunch. There he’d read the book he would have mostly likely found, and sit for hours with it, tucked away in the back corner where no one really noticed he was there. Just the way he liked it.

But today he didn’t much feel like it, didn’t feel much of anything if he was honest. He felt void. So, he decided to just head home. As usual as soon as he got to his street his gaze casted down. He wasn’t exactly sure if they all still talked about him, but it felt like they did from the times he did have his head up, and the lingering looks he got. He didn’t need anyone to pity him or feel sorry for him, the feeling he was feeling was enough on its own, the added awkwardness of strangers wasn’t welcomed.

He scuffed his boots along the walk thinking about Christmas cookies and homemade apple cider. But then the memories came too many at once and a lump began to build in his throat and he tried his best to push it back down, no way was he about to cry on the street.

He hadn’t realized he had bumped into someone until he was already crouching down to help pick up the papers that fell. “Sorry, so sorry.” He mumbled as he gathered them up, “Wasn’t watchin’ where I was goin.”

“Neither was I.”

His eyes shot up instantly and it was like all the breath had left his body as he looked at, her. She was even more beautiful up close. Her face was framed by her dark wavy hair, it looked like she might have curled it, and she wore a deep red wool beanie, which paired magically with her pale skin and kiss bitten red lips. Her eyes he’s yet to see but it looks a like she’s has couple of swipes of mascara on her lashes.

When she finally looks up, he gulps, a strand of her curled hair has fallen forward and he’s itching to push it back behind her ear. But the tug he feels breaks him of that thought, he looks down and realizes he still clutching some of the papers she’s dropped, he releases them quickly, “Sor-sorry,” he stammers.

“It’s alright,” she smiles softly.

They stand at the same time, but he can’t help but let his eyes drift over her on is way up. She’s wearing all black, a skirt or dress he can’t tell, but it’s fitting around her chest, it falls to just above her knees, and is paired with a thick black tights, she’s wearing ankle boots and a coat that falls to mid-calf.

When his eyes make their way back to hers, she’s smiling softly at him. A smile tugs at his own lips and he instantly ducks his head bashfully. His right hand is rubbing the back of his neck, and he sneaks a look up at her through his lashes.

“Thanks, for…” she trails off.

“I…it was my fault.” He replies.

“Not so sure,” she shrugs, “I can be pretty ungraceful.” She adds with a small chuckle.

He makes a sound somewhere between a wistful sigh and a laugh, because he can’t believe that for a second. He stares at her for a beat too long and he knows she knows, and so he shoves his hands in the pockets of his coat and turns slightly towards his house, ready to say he’s going to go, but before he can get a word out she says, “I’m, Rae, by the way.” Then adds, “Rae Earl,” she rolls her eyes a bit with a shy smile.

“Finn.” He blurts out, “Finn Nelson. I live…” he trails off nodding to his house.

“Yeah. I know.” She replies smoothly.

“Yeah?” he squeaks, unsure of what she has heard.

She nods, “I see you sometimes, at your window.” She makes a scrunchy face, then shakes her head, “Wow, I did not mean to sound like a stalker.”

He barks out a small laugh, if she only knew.

“I don’t want you think I’m weird or anything now because…” she stops herself.

“I don’t think that….at all.” He says truthfully.

Relief crosses over her features.

“I…I-uh…see you sometimes too..at yours I mean.” He offers.

“Yeah?”

He nods, “Umm…at night…” he cringes a little, “Uh…just when I’m looking at the lights and then you uh..turn on yours.” He really hopes he’s not being creepy, but he probably is.

“Oh, yeah…uh..I’m never home to have them on a proper amount of time…so a few minutes will have to do.” She shrugs.

“Yeah. Yeah.’ He says lamely.

“I just…cos work and all that y’know.”

“Sure, right.”

“Sucks working late but,” she shrugs.

“Right, yeah. I get it.”

“Yeah?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he replies, then, “No,” he says with a sad laugh, “I work days, don’t think I’ve ever really worked nights. Bartended a few years ago back in Uni but it was never very late, y’know.”

“Ah, I see.” She nods. “Where do you work now?”

“Oh, um the music shop a few streets over? Larry’s?”

“Yes, I know of it. I’ve been meaning to check it out when I have time. Can always find some gems in shops like that.”

“That’s very true.” He smiled softly at her.

“Well, I’d love to chat more but I do need to get going.” She says with a slight grimace.

“Oh, yeah! Sorry, of course. Um it was nice to meet you.” He says and is ready to cross the street to go home.

“Yeah, you too, Finn. I’ll see you around.”

“Sure,” he nods and then crosses the road.

Once he’s inside he checks to make sure is curtains are closed, they are, and then he proceeds to fling himself on the couch.

“Oh fuck,” he sighs then smashes a pillow over his face.

As he breathes into his pillow his face is becoming hot and he’s sweating slightly but he can’t concentrate on that because he actually talked to her. He had a conversation with her where he didn’t mumble out a sad, “thanks” or “I’m okay” because maybe she didn’t know about him. There was no pity. She was speaking to him because she wanted to.

Removing the pillow from his face he hops up and goes to the window and slowly moves the curtain back to look out. Her car is still there so she is still inside her house and he thinks about waiting to see her come and watch her leave but decides against it. He instead opts to take long hot shower. He’ll check to see if she left when he comes back out.

A half hour later she was gone.

–

There’s a Christmas tree lot he passes on his way to work, he doesn’t normally pay much attention to it because of how busy it’s been, but now, on his way home, he can’t help but wander over to take a look inside.

He waves the guy off asking if he’s looking for a particular type of tree and heads to the back to work his way forward. The intense smell reminds him of when he was little, running about the trees trying to find the biggest and fattest tree. He’d find it and his dad would chuckle and talk him down saying there was no way it would fit in the house, Finn would always tell him, “you don’t know until you try, dad.” Even up until a few years ago they’d tease each other over the size of the tree.

Finn finds himself standing in front of a modestly sized tree, maybe just over six feet in height and full all the way around. It’s definitely the sort that would have been in the running for going into the Nelson house. He pulls at one of the branches and shakes it a little to see how many, if any pine needles fall out. Too many always equaled too old of a tree.

This tree however seemed to be quite fresh, he gazes up at it and imagines what it would look like in his house. But he can’t quite get a feel for it. He imagines hanging stockings above the fire place and putting Santa trinkets along the mantle, but none of the images are of his current house. It’s of his dad’s. He feels like he completely lost the Christmas spirit. His heart hasn’t been in it for years. He hasn’t put his heart into anything really. He’s sometimes surprised it’s still in his chest at all, because he feels so lost.

“That’s a nice one.”

He breaks out of his reverie to look to his right, he clears his throat and smiles, “A really nice one.” He replies to her.

“You going to get it?”

He huffs a laugh, “No. Just looking.”

“So, I can get it, then?”

He’s unable to help the chuckle that escapes. “It’s all yours, Rae.”

“Thanks!” she smiles brightly at him before looking back to the tree.

“You’re welcome, but I didn’t do much.”

She looks at him and says, “Well, you guarded the tree.”

“Okay, then.” He laughs.

“Is this the one Miss?”

Both he and Rae look behind them, “Yes, this one, please.”

“Right, I’ll have it netted then, are you wanting it tied to your vehicle?”

“Oh, um, I walked here, I don’t live too far. I wasn’t even sure I’d find a tree.”

“We don’t deliver.”

“Right, then I’ll just uh..” she looks a little frantic as she scrambles to think.

“I’ll help you back.” Finn offers.

“I couldn’t ask—are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s no bother, I was heading home anyway.”

“Okay, thanks, Finn, again.” She smiles brightly.

“Let’s go wait for your tree.” He says sweeping his hand out for her to walk ahead.

They chat quietly about the trees in the lot, Rae explaining that she never thought she’d have time to look for a tree so when her afternoon opened up she jumped at the chance.

“And now I can have my Christmas lights on at a decent hour,” she laughs.

“All set.” The guys says as he come ups with the netted tree and Finn takes it from him.

“Great! Thanks!” She replies handing him her ticket for proof of payment.

Finn turns the tree on its side and lifts it, it’s not as heavy as one would think.

“I can help you know.” She says lightly.

“It’s actually not all that heavy, I’m good. Besides it’s like ten minute walk.”

“Well, if you’re sure?”

“I am, Rae.” He laughs lightly.

“Okay, then.” She smiles.

“So, you going to decorate this bad boy when you get home?”

“Yeah, best to get it done with while I have time.” She says. But looks like she wants to say something else but stops herself and looks away from him quickly.

He furrows his brows and asks, “What’s up?”

“Huh, nothing why?” she asks.

Rolling his eyes he says, “Tell me.” He’s not sure when he’s become so talkative but he doesn’t mind it at all. Especially, if it’s with, Rae.

She sighs and begins, “I was..I wanted to ask if you wanted to maybe stay and help me? And like I can make dinner as a thank you? But I felt like it maybe a little forward to ask that seeing as this is the second time we’ve met.”

He can’t help but smile at her, “I don’t think its forward. I’d be happy to stay and have dinner with you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Rae, really.”

“Perfect.” She beams.

–

He tightens the last screw in the stand then pops out from under the tree.

“That was pretty successful.” Finn says as he stands up right.

Rae laughs pitifully at him and rushes forward, “Finn,” she sighs as she brushes away at his fringe. Several pine needles fall out of his hair and she brushes them off his sweater as they do.

“Better,” she smiles softly.

“Thanks,” he says and he can feel his cheeks heating up.

“Thank you, Finn. Honestly, I didn’t realize how much it takes to put up a tree, my step dad was always the one to put it up. Who knew so much screwing would be involved.”

He can’t help but chuckle, “Yeah, it was alright though, and the tree is up and looks perfectly straight.”

“It does. Now just to put lights and all the ornaments.”

“Right lets crack on then shall we?” he asks.

“Yeah but tea first yeah?”

“God, yes! Lead the way.” He says.

–

The walked back into the living area with their tea in hand and sat on the sofa.

“I feel like I should tell you that this isn’t my house.”

He chokes a little on his sip of tea, “Uh, okay.” He replies.

“It’s just I don’t know, this isn’t exactly my décor and I wanted to make that clear.”

“Alright. But um, why?” he asks as he looks around the large area. All creams and soft pink and floral patterned curtains.

“Just, I don’t know, I just did. I feel like I’m putting up a front living in this massive house that I can in no way afford.”

He presses his lips together tightly and waits for her to continue.

“This is my friend’s parent’s house, well, one of their houses. They are renting it to me for super cheap while I save to get my own place.”

“Well, that’s nice of them to do for you.” Is what he says.

“Yeah, no way I can afford anything half as nice on a teacher’s salary plus the other odd jobs I have.”

“Like what?” he asks to deflect any questions she may want to ask about him. She already knows where he works but he doesn’t want to answer how he can afford to live on this street as well. 

“Um, well, I sometimes help with after school programs, and I help out in the library, I also help my friend do inventory at his shop, so odd stuff here and there.”

“Sounds exciting,” he says.

“It can be.”

There’s a small pause and then, “So, floral really isn’t your thing?” he says picking up a decorative pillow.

“God, no.” she laughs.

He laughs at her clear distaste. “Right, should we decorate this tree or what?”

“Yes, and then I’m sorry, I know I said I’d cook but I’m going to order in, and we can save the me cooking thing for another night, yeah?”

“Yeah, definitely.” He replied happily while trying his best not to combust.

–

When he gets home later that night he finds that he is unable to stop smiling. He felt like he hadn’t laughed so much, in years. And he can’t even wait to go to hers the next night to finish decorating. They’d only gotten as far as stringing the lights on the tree before they gave up. They were a tangled mess and took forever to unravel but they laughed and Rae nearly cried she was so frustrated with her designated strand but he managed to make her smile by belting Jingle Bell Rock.

Walking around his house he wondered if it would ever see the joy of Christmas.

–

When Rae opened the door he couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Please, just help.”

“Right,” he said stepping into the house.

“I thought you were done with lights?” he asked as he helped her untangle the lights she had somehow managed to wrap around herself.

“Well, I found some more and thought why not, but I was wrong. So wrong.”

He pulled at the last strand, “You’re free,” he spoke softly.

“Thank you.”

“You thank me a lot.”

“Well, you help me a lot.”

He can’t help but shake his head with a little smile and say, “Come on, ornament time.”

“This way,” she says as they walk into the living area, “There are quite a few of them, my mom let me have some and some I bought.”

“Cool, any particular theme you are going for or just go for it?”

“Go for it,” she says, “At this point I just want it done.”

So they do just go for it, until Rae, pulls out a small cardboard box and removes the lid.

“These ones are special, my mum had them made when my sister was born.”

He peers into the box and his heart clenches, as Rae removes the snowflake that reads her name a lump is rising in his throat and he can barely catch his breath.

“Um, if these are the last ones I’m gonna go ahead and head home.” He says as he grabs his coat off the sofa.

“Oh, I was gonna order us some pizza…” she trails off.

“I’m good thanks, but I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Yeah, sure. Uh, are you okay?” she asks taking a step towards him.

“I’m good, yeah. Good.” He says and then all but runs out of the door and into his own house.

The thing is, he is not good. He hasn’t been good in years and when he is safely in his room just not how good he is comes in the form of hot tears.

All he could see, could feel, when looking at the engraved ornaments was the blood all over his hands and the feel of glass shards cutting into him the night he realized they were never coming home.

He had gotten angry to the point of knocking down the Christmas tree, to stepping on the bulbs that rolled around, to breaking them in his hand, all before he worked himself up into a state of uncontrollable sobbing.

His heart ached just thinking about that night, it’s been years now and the pain is just as fresh as the day it happened.

–

It’s been three days since he last saw, Rae, and he’s pretty much holed up in his house the entire time, not even daring to open his curtains. He thinks he heard a knock once but that could have been his wishful imagination.

The way he left her house was quite embarrassing but it would have been worse if he were to have a breakdown in front of her. Especially, because he wasn’t entirely sure if she knew his backstory. Sure she is new to town but the people love to gossip. And either that would have confirmed whatever people are telling her or just maybe have scared her. He didn’t want to risk any of that.

And worse what if she had heard and people showed her clippings of the event? He hated it. Hated the story that was printed and that they named him in it. Like people needed to know that he was all alone with no other family to speak of.

He feels himself getting aggravated by so many unknowns concerning, Rae and also by this town not letting go of what happened.

His doorbell goes off and he’s thankful for the distraction. He drags himself off the couch to search for his wallet, pizza has been keeping him company for the time being. But when he opens the door it’s not, Stan, his normal delivery guy holding the pizza, its, Rae.

“Hi,” she says softly.

“Hey, hi.” He replies timidly.

“Can I come in?”

“Uh, sure,” he steps aside and opens the door wider.

When he shuts the door she turns to wait for him, “Um, the kitchen,” he says and guides her through the foyer into the kitchen.

She sets the pizza on the island counter. “Hungry?” he asks, motioning to the pizza.

“No, I’m alright.” She speaks softly.

“Yeah, same. So, what’s up.” He asks hesitantly.

“Haven’t seen you around much, like at all, so I wanted to see how you were.”

His stomach drops a little, “Oh, yeah, I’m alright.”

“Are you sure?” she asks, “Cos you haven’t been to work, Larry said you weren’t feeling well?”

There’s a wrenching feeling coming on, he can hardly believe that she went to his work in search of him, to ask about him. “Oh, yeah, um was having a stomach thing but I’m better.” God he hates lying.

“Finn, you can just say it’s none of my business, y’know. I know we don’t know each other that well, but I thought we could be friends or something.” 

Or something rings heavy on him.

He sighs and scrubs his hands over his face, “It’s just a hard time of year for me,” he says looking at her.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Are you, um, alone this year?”

He can’t help but laugh incredulously, “You haven’t heard the stories.”

“Stories?”

“Look, I know you just moved here but you really haven’t heard about, Finn Nelson the poor orphan boy! Stays to himself, not one to socialize?

“I-orphan, what, no.”

He sighs and tries to relax himself, he doesn’t want to get worked up. But he always becomes defensive.

“I’m surprised,” he says softly.

“I’m not one for gossip, Finn.” She says determinedly.

He nods sadly, “Right, I’m sorry, I just–lets-lets go sit, okay?”

“I just wanted to see if you were—I just wanted to see you and I did, so I can leave, you really don’t have to tell me anything.” She rushes.

“Rae, please?”

“Only if you’re sure.”

“I am, I’d rather you hear it from me.”

“Okay.”

–

They’ve been sitting by the fire for about ten minutes in complete silence, before he finally speaks, “Sorry, there isn’t much to this place.” He says and motions around the sparsely filled room.

“Its fine,” she shrugs.

“I’ve lived here for four years, Rae.”

“Okay,” she say tentatively.

“You’d think it’d be a little more lived in wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“This house has four bedrooms and five bathrooms, Rae, out of that only my bedroom and bathroom are used, the other rooms, literally every other room is empty.”

“Okay,”

“Didn’t you wonder how I can afford to live in this house after telling you where I work?”

“Um, no.”

“Why? You seemed very worried about me knowing that you did not own the Gemmel’s house.” Which of course he knew, but he never saw any reason to bring it up.

“Well, that was mostly cos I didn’t want you to think that I actually like that theme.”

“Why does it matter?”

“I don’t know, it was just something to say, I don’t want to be confused with something I’m not.”

There are many things he wants to say, like that would never be possible cos even after know her for a few short days he could never get her confused for something she is not.

But instead he just says, “I own this house, I have the deed in my safe upstairs.”

“Okay,”

He looks at her, scanning her face for any indication she might know exactly what happened. But the finds no evidence of that. His stomach sinks a little for being so on guard.

“You really don’t know, do you?” he speaks in wonder.

“No, I told you I didn’t and its getting really annoying that you keep asking that.” she huffs.

He shakes his head and moves a little closer to her, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be like this, its just a very sore topic for me. One I’ve been fighting with a long time, and I know you don’t know but it’s hard to believe when everyone knows. This place loves to gossip.”

“Then you tell me.” She nearly whispers.

He nods, he wants to keep it as short as possible, just the important need to know bits. He can’t handle going into any specific details.

“When I was 19, so five years ago now, I was in Uni, it was around the time I would have been heading home for Christmas, when I got the call that my dad and nan had been in a fatal accident.”

Her hand swiftly moves to his and she squeezes tightly.

“It was one of the worst accidents the town had seen, it had been snowing and a lorry lost control and they wound up in a snow bank and their car had flipped and just, it wasn’t a pretty sight.”

He sighed and rubbed his free hand over his face, “they had been coming to surprise me, to pick me up, so you can imagine—or maybe you can’t, but I felt somehow responsible even though I know it wasn’t anything I did.”

“I’m so sorry, Finn.”

“They were the only family I had, my mom passed when I was little, she was an only child as was my dad, so I’m all alone, an orphan if you will.”

“Finn,”

When he looks up at her he can see her unshed tears, he shakes his head, “It was a long time ago now, but seems like yesterday. The town still seems to treat me differently, like I might break. When the newspaper released what had happened they named me as the only living relative they left behind. In reality I should have moved away and just forgot but I couldn’t. I ended up dropping out of school and bought this house.”

“You could always go back to school, it’s not too late.” She offers.

“Yeah, maybe, who know’s. I have time to think about it. It’s not like I’m exactly hurting for a steady paying career, I don’t have to work a day in my life if I don’t want to, turns out that death equals insurances and inheritances. Silver linings and all.” He laughs humorlessly.

Her face is scrunched up and she looks slightly miffed, and he knows it’s not classy to talk about money that way and he thinks he offended or insulted her by telling her that last bit, so he starts, “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to—“ he’s cut off by her pushing him slightly.

“You better pay me back for that pizza!”

He can’t help but burst out laughing, “Oh my god, I thought you were mad at me for talking about—just I thought you were mad.”

She smiles and softly says, “Finn, why would I ever be mad about something like that. I know you’d rather have your family back.”

“I kind of want to hug you,” he says in earnest.

“Good cos I was going to hug you regardless.” She says as she leans forward arms open.

He wraps his arms around her and tucks his face into her neck, “I really am so sorry for everything that has happened, Finn. I’m always here to listen, anytime you wanna talk, okay?”

“Thanks, Rae,” he replies softly.

Pulling apart she says, “I’m kind of hungry now,”

“Good, me too.” he smiles. He’s grateful that she listened and asked no questions. That was always the hard part answering unwanted questions.

They head to the kitchen and he thinks that even though he just relived the worst time in his life, he can’t help but feel a little better. 

–

“So, what are you doing for Christmas?” Rae asks, as soon as he opens the door.

“Nothing in particular, why?” he asks as she walks in to his house.

He’s known her for a total of two weeks and three of those days he avoided her but now here she is making herself comfortable on his sofa.

“I’m having a party and you should come.” She smiles sweetly.

He knows that smile too well already, maybe he should be embarrassed about that but he’s definitely not.

Coming around to sit on the opposite end of the sofa he replies, “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“And why not?” she asks prodding his thigh with her foot.

“Rae, you know why.” He stresses lightly.

“Yeah, but I’m not having anyone from here over. It’s just my mum, sister, stepdad and three of my friends, and you if you come.”

He already knows he can never say no to her. He’s in big trouble.

“But what will I wear?” he asks.

She smiles brightly at him only right before hitting him with a plush pillow, repeatedly.

When he’s done fighting her off they are breathing slightly heavier and she says, “You’re not a Grinch. Bad things happened but they don’t define you, Finn.”

When she leaves a few minutes later he’s left at the door and he thinks, maybe he will be able to find his heart again.

–

It’s the night of the party and Rae has been over every day since she invited him to make sure he was still planning on coming, so it’s no surprise when his door bell goes off. Because of course she would come over to escort him over.

He takes one last look in his full length mirror, he’s wearing all black, from his button up all the way down to his socks and shoes. He wonders if that’s okay, or if it’s to glum to wear to a Christmas party.

His doorbell goes off again he swipes his sweaty hands off on his fitted black trousers, he picks up his black pea-coat and shrugs it on. He’s leaving his room when at the last minute he runs back to his closet and grabs a red tartan scarf and wraps it around his neck.

The doorbell goes off a third time and he can’t help but roll his eyes. When he opens the door he says, “I thought I was meeting you—“

He stops because his breath was stolen. She looks beautiful, exceptional, and he can’t find himself able to speak these words.

“You look very handsome,” she says, “I’ve never seen you with your fringe up, it looks good.”

“Uh, I- thanks, you look…” he trails off looking her up and down.

Her dress is similar to the one she was wearing when he first spoke to her but its sparkly, and she has the reddest lipstick on he’s ever seen and it pairs so nicely with her entirely black outfit.

“Wow,” he says when his eyes meet hers once more.

“Thanks,” she says shyly ducking her head.

He doesn’t want to do anything weird like, kiss her, so he says, “So, party?”

“Uh, yeah, yes lets go.” She smiles and he steps out of the house.

Once the door is closed he offers her his arm and she takes it with a slight blush to her cheeks.

He can feel tonight is going to be great.

–

The night was going not exactly great, but it was alright. He was happy to meet Rae’s family, and of course her friends. The only thing was, was that they all kept staring at him. It wasn’t anything other than lots of smiles, and so he wonders if maybe Rae had mentioned something to them.

“So, Finn, what do you do?” Archie asked.

“I work at a new and used music shop.” Finn replied.

Archie nodded, and Finn felt like he was being sized up or something. He wanted to ask what the deal was but this was one of Rae’s best friends, they gone to school together, so he didn’t want to make a big deal out of something that was probably nothing.

“How can you afford live on this street if you work there? Are you a trust fund baby?” Arnold, or Chop asked.

“Uh,” Finn hesitated.

“Okay, guys leave him alone, go get drinks.” Rae came up to him and grabbed his hand pulling him away.

Rae pulled him into the kitchen and released him in favor of grabbing an ice bucket.

“I’m so sorry about them. They think they need to question everyone.” She says as she fills the bucket with ice.

“Oh, it’s okay.” He replies, then, “Um, is there a reason that your mum and Izzy keep smiling at me so much?”

“They’re-what—oh! No! They are the ones you should flock too, the guys, well, they are sort of protective over me but I told them you were harmless.”

“Right, I got that when Karim nearly broke my hand when he shook it.” 

Rae sighs setting the ice bucket down, “Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright.” He shrugs with a smile, “It shows that they care.”

She takes a step towards him and tentatively says, “I told them about you a little bit, just that we were neighbors and to not ask too many personal questions. I hope that’s okay?”

Clearing his throat he nods, “Yeah, that’s fine. And thanks for, uh, saving me from bringing down the house so to say.”

“Oh my god!” she laughs and pushes his shoulder, “Were you saving that?”

“Just came to me, actually.” He laughs.

She shakes her head, “You’re something else. Talk to Archie about music, and football with Chop and they won’t think of anything else.”

Picking up the ice bucket she passes him, “But what about Izzy and your family?” he asks following behind her.

“You already have their approval, it’s the other two you have to get passed.” She says easily, making her way back to the party.

He’s not sure why but that information puts a massive smile on his face.

“Right,” he claps his hands together, “Music and football.”

–

“Thank you, for coming,”

“Thanks for having me, I had a nice time.” He replies.

“Yeah? Wasn’t too much?”

“Nah, it was great. They were all really lovely.”

“They all really liked you. So, don’t be surprised if Archie or Chop come knocking on your door in the future.” She laughs lightly.

“Got it,” he chuckles, he pulls out his keys as they stop in front of his door, “Thanks for walking me home.”

“It’s no problem,” she smiles bashfully.

“I’ve never been walked home before.”

“Well, it’s a night of firsts, then.” She grins cheekily.

“What else is first then?” he asks.

“Well, we had our first Christmas together, how do you feel about New Years? Wanna come over?”

“Yes,” he says easily.

“Yeah?”

“Definitely.”

“Think you can handle that bunch for again?”

“As long as you’re there, yeah I can.”

She removes her hand from her coat pocket to rub her thumb low along his cheek, “You’re very sweet, Finn.” She speaks softly.

He can’t help but lean into her touch, it’s been ages since he’s felt wanted, in anyway.

“I’ll see you later.” She says, removing her hand and backing away.

He’s left watching her until she enters her house and yearning for her comfort. He’s pretty sure everyone was watching them but he doesn’t mind one bit.

–

He’s slightly tipsy when Rae pulled him into the kitchen to help her. Once again she’s refiling the ice bucket for the mix drinks. Ice was apparently very important in mixed drinks. Watching as she refilled the bucket he knew that it was minutes until midnight and he still hadn’t decided if he was going to kiss her. Like, full on kiss her. He wanted to, it had been on his mind every day since he first met her, but it’s been worse ever since the Christmas party.

Once he was caught staring at her a little too long and Chop elbowed him and then winked. Finn thinks that’s Chop’s way of approving him if he decided to ever make a move.

It was like déjà vu when Rae put the ice bucket down and stood in front of him.

“So, I know there are a few more people than last time, but how are you liking everyone?”

He can’t help but focus on her lips for a second longer than one normally should, he wants to kiss them.

“They’re all great.”

“Yeah?” she beams at him.

“Yes, Rae.”

“I’m so happy you all get on.” she surges forward excitedly and hugs him.

He wraps his arms around her and breathes her in, he stayed by her most of the night, one would think he’s had his fill of her but he thinks he never will.

“Happy New Year!!” everyone shouts from the other room.

“Oh, we missed it.” She says breaking the hug.

He wants to say he didn’t miss anything, that he’s right where he wants to be.

“Happy New Year, Rae.” He says softly.

“Happy New Year, Finn.” She says and leans in to kiss him on the cheek.

When she pulls away his hand comes up to rest on her hip, “Rae,” he says gruffly.

He wants to kiss her and there is no time like the present, “Yeah. Yes.” She says and he knows that she is answering his silent question based on the way she keeps looking at his lips.

So, with that he leans in and presses his lips to hers. His arms winding around her, whiles hers wrap around his neck.

It’s slow and turns deep when she swipes her tongue against his lips, he can’t get enough of her as he licks into her mouth. She tastes sweet from her cocktail but also like, something else he can’t place quite yet.

When they pull apart their foreheads are touching and he feels like he might cry. He can feel the tears in pooling and when one finally releases she pulls back to look at him.

“Finn?”

“Sorry,” he laughs, “I’m just really happy,”

“Good,” she smiles softly and wipes away his rogue tear, “Me too.”

“This was our first kiss.” He chuckles.

“Just another first to cross off the list.” She says before kissing him again.

–

After that there was a number of firsts to follow, their first date, the first time they have sex, the first time they had a fight and their first time living together.

The seasons morphed and when fall came the following year, it was time for Rae to give up her time at the Gemmel’s, so when Finn asked her to move in with him she said yes.

And when they had their first Christmas in their house, Rae, gifted him with their own engraved ornaments, including two very special ones. He confessed to her how much it meant to him and what had happened all those years ago, but that night, he hung his dad and nans Christmas ornaments with a smile.

–

Seven years later…

Walking through rows and rows of Christmas trees gave him so much joy it was hard to find words to explain. The tree was the main event and it had to be just right.

As he stood staring up at a modest seven foot tree he heard the sound of laughter as well as feet hitting the ground running.

“Dad, Dad! I found it! I found the tree!”

Looking to his right Finn saw his son bounding towards him, his hair flopping in the wind.

“You sure about that, Nate?” he teased as the little boy grabbed his hand.

“Yes, come and see! Mum likes it and so does Anna!” he exclaims tugging his dad forward.

“She’s two she’d like any tree.” Finn Laughs.

“Just come on!” he says, and Finn goes easily.

When they turn a corner he sees Rae, she’s holding Anna who is dressed in a pink and white snow suit that was a fuss for him to get her to want to put on earlier, Anna is giggling and Rae’s eyes are wide but she is smiling.

He furrows his eyebrows and then looks to Nate, who has his arms up presenting the tree he found.

“There is no way that will fit in the house.” Finn says, automatically.

“Dad, you won’t know until you try!” Nate huffs.

Finn looks down at his son, Nate’s eyes pleading and bottom lip pouting. The entire scene is too much for Finn to handle, he gets closer to Nate and crouches down hugging his son, “You’re absolutely right, let’s try.”

“Yes! Thank you, I love you!” Nate jumps up and down.

When Finn releases him he runs over to his sister, who Rae had put in the pram and starts to push it.

“Finn, it’s nearly a fifteen foot tree.” She laughs.

“Yeah, but we can stand it the foyer.” He explains wrapping an arm around her.

“Fine, but make sure they will deliver it and install the stand.”

“I got it covered, love. I got it covered.” He replies happily.

–


End file.
